More Big Thoughts

By Stacia, Big Couple (Husband, Bill)

My husband Bill and I have been a Big Couple since September 11, 2015. Before I tell you about our super power, let me tell you how we came to Big Brothers Big Sisters.

My husband has 6 siblings and I am an only child. Our childhoods were polar opposites. We are not parents and did not want children. But I had always thought that, like my grandmother, I would be a foster parent. My husband wasn’t sure about being a foster parent, but we agreed that we could mentor a child in foster care. This is how I found Big Brothers Big Sisters. The program met both our needs. At the interview stage we requested to be matched with a youth in foster care.

Jake* had just turned eight years old and he was a ball of emotion and distrust. He pushed and pulled and tested us. We spent so much time talking to each other while he angrily hid in the back seat. That first year we used every resource available to us. We spoke regularly to our Match Support Specialist, enrolled in classes at Project Harmony; we sought out advice from child psychologists, read blogs, and asked parents for advice. The support we had the first year from Big Brothers Big Sisters and Jake’s foster parents was instrumental to our match’s success. Jake had every right to test and distrust. But what he did not know was that Bill and I have a super power.

We knew instinctively that what this kid needed was for us to keep showing up and that is exactly what we did. Each visit we would tell Jake how happy we were to see him and we kept showing up. What Jake did not know was that you can set a clock by us and that we had fully committed to him that first day. And then something miraculous happened. We celebrated one year together, our “matchaversary”, and it was incredible. It was as if the skies opened up and we all saw the sun for the first time. All three of us relaxed and began enjoying each other. All three of us had changed. Our miraculous transformation does not mean that every visit is like skipping in a field of flowers. The three of us are human but now we can have a discussion and compromise if there is a conflict. We have the tools to communicate, the support from BBBS, and the trust and love for one another to keep showing up.

*Name changed to protect privacy

Related Stories